Potty Humor - Part II

Warning. This post is rated PG.

Parental Guidance strongly recommended.

Lots of potty language to follow.

This is the sequel of Potty Humor - Part I, when Danny smiled for the first time - on the changing table. This is most definitely his favorite time to play.

It all started last night with a little diaper rash on my baby's tooshie. When changing Danilo's diaper, I noticed a bit of redness that was not going away, so I decided to let him have some bare-butt tummy time in the living room. Dryness and air always help this redness go away. I gathered a changing pad, a receiving blanket and several cloth diapers to put underneath him.

My Mom (who is visiting again - isn't it wonderful?!) and I were watching as Danny was playing, making the best sounds, talking and chattering. We recorded this video, and then turned him on his back while we turned to watch it. We were so focused on the video and the noises and expressions coming from his top end that we didn't notice what was happening at his bottom end.

Suddenly, my Mom looked down at her shorts, and shrieked, "He PEED on me!!" I immediately fell into fits of laughter. Nope, no sympathy or concern from me. I've been on the receiving end of Grandparents' Revenge plenty of times, so I just laughed my head off, while cleaning up the carpet. My mom said something about taking a shower, and I (again, with no sympathy at all) said, "Really?" I mean, gracious, if I showered for all the times I got pee, poop, or spit-up on my pants, I'd shower 3 times a day! So I handed her the box of baby-wipes and suggested she just change.

Well, I should've known what was coming.

Because today, my Mom and I were in the baby's room and I was changing Danny's diaper on the changing table. As always, he was giving me the best smiles ever (being in his favorite place to play) and I paused while he was bare to talk to him.

Big. Mistake.

The spray of pee that came flying out of nowhere could compete with fire hydrants everywhere. My face, my hair, my shirt, my pants, and all of my underclothes were wet. And after the shot in the face, I was laughing too hard to do anything but just use my hand to shield myself from any more. I wish I'd caught it on video. Words cannot describe the scene.

Just when I thought that the disaster had ended and I was preparing to survey the scene and clean up, Danny let out another squeal of delight.

Then there was Explosive. Poop.

My Mom (who stayed comfortably across the room) and I were laughing so hard we were crying. I couldn't even speak.

I'll spare you all the poopy details, but I decided that the best course of action was to strip myself and him down, put all of our clothes and the changing table cover in the cloth diaper laundry with all the other dirty diapers, and to take both our bare bottoms directly to the shower.

My Mom waited outside the shower for me to hand him out, and made a comment about my needing to take out the trash - which was overflowing and spilling onto the floor. What can I say? I just hadn't made it up with plastic bags yet, and nobody usually goes in there but Alejandro and I anyway.

Then I handed the clean baby out of the shower to his Grammy to be dressed and cuddled.

After stepping out of the shower, I saw all of the embarrassing items that were NOT in the trash, but rather spilling onto the floor because I hadn't cleaned up. Something about always wearing clean underwear in case you are caught in an accident came to mind. Lesson learned. My trash will be taken out promptly from now on. No matter who is or is not in the house.

Well, that's what I get for laughing at her last night.

Danny did get her one more time by peeing on the first diaper she tried to put on him and spitting up on the clean changing pad cover that she'd just put on. She deserved it. Poor Grammy!