The other night while watching the Olympics, I made a comment on my facebook page about the U.S. mens figure skaters. The comment was somewhat poorly thought-out and hastily sent.
I wrote: "At the risk of criticism: Why are American men in Olympic couples figure skating manly, while men in singles skating are all effeminate? Hmm."
And of course, criticism did come.
Now before you block my blog forever and call me all kinds of ugly names, let me explain.
The original intent of my comment was to make somewhat of a sarcastic crack about how without women present in... well, anything... things go awry. It was meant to be funny and sarcastic and I don't even truly believe that without women present, things go awry. It was a poorly thought-out joke and I probably should have just texted it to a friend of mine who would get it, rather than posting it on facebook.
But the resulting debate (which remained for the most part uplifting, respectful, and healthy - I have the greatest friends!) was fascinating to me and it led me to REALLY think through some things like labeling and stereotyping and gender roles in our society.
Let me start by clear up a few facts, though. I made an observation which is that several U.S. mens figure skaters appeared to me to be effeminate. Out of curiosity, I looked up the word to make sure I used it correctly.
Effeminate
1 : having feminine qualities untypical of a man : not manly in appearance or manner
2 : marked by an unbecoming delicacy or overrefinement
I also was referring to the U.S. skaters. At the time I made the comment, I found the other nation's male figure skaters to be enjoyably expressive, artistic, and talented. I did later correct my comment and narrow my observation down to one U.S. mens figure skater. To me, the effeminate qualities of Johnny Weir are distasteful.
I did not say Johnny Weir was gay (at first). I didn't even mean to insinuate anything about his sexual preference in my statement. But of course then he WAS called gay (by me and someone else) and well... Do I know that for a fact? No. Has most of the news confirmed the fact and has Weir himself proven to be very comfortable with open talk of his sexuality? Yes.
Even so, my statement was probably hasty. I started off by commenting on my observation of his effeminate qualities. No, a man does not have to be gay just because he has an effeminate appearance. But I went along with the labeling in calling him gay - not in calling him effeminate. Calling someone effeminate is no more a label than calling someone beautiful, ugly, thin, large, great or small. It's an adjective and therefore largely subject to opinion.
Going back to the topic of labels and stereotyping, while I do not agree with labeling or stereotyping, I DO believe in calling something (rightly) feminine or masculine. Note the distinction between feminine and effeminate. Very different. I might be delving into semantics now... but while I'm neck-deep into this, I might as well go on.
Our society has largely purported the idea that calling someone or claiming to be feminine or masculine is limiting, and is the root of all kinds of gender confusion, stereotyping and discrimination.
I couldn't I disagree more with this view of gender in our society. It is my opinion that gender has been so widely confused and muddled and THAT is the problem. We ARE either feminine or masculine (with the very small exception of birth defects) and that is how God created us. Audrey Hepburn's timeless femininity displayed through her talent was what endeared her to America. Old movie actors like Fred Astaire, Cary Grant and Humphrey Bogart remind me of the classic American gentleman that we used to love. I think our society has tried so hard to equate the two sexes that we emasculate men (deprive of strength, vigor, or spirit) and downplay our God-given feminine qualities and strengths.
In fact, when I just Googled the word "emasculate," just to make sure I was using the word correctly, there were even step-by-step articles on HOW to emasculate your man in order to get him to comply with you! How twisted and sick.
...but I digress.
I personally believe that our strength comes from finding a right identity (through Christ) in our God-given persons, be them tall, short, elegant, gumpy, dark-skinned, light-skinned, extroverted, introverted, blue-eyes, green-eyes, athletic or not, feminine or masculine. I believe our society, our marriages, our careers, our social groups, our friendships and our emotional well-being are all strengthened when we do this.
But what do you think? Join the conversation in the comments section and let your opinion be heard!
