Desperate Need

My little one has been sick for what feels like the entire month of March so we've had a few too many middle-of-the-night feedings lately. (He is on his second go-around and was prescribed antibiotics yesterday so I'm hoping we're near the end of this.) This morning during one of these screaming sessions I had one of those out-of-body experiences, where it feels like you're watching everything like a movie and you're a third person in the room, seeing everything but not taking part. I was watching Danny and seeing his desperate need for his Mama with a new perspective.

He wakes up somewhat suddenly and starts to wail with only two things on his mind - me and milk. The next five minutes are a flurry of flailing diapers, a scramble for my glasses, tears and fits, suctioning boogers and wiping his face, cursing snaps on pajamas while wondering why I didn't choose the zippered ones, and trying to connect his mouth to my breast as fast as humanly possible. As Danny holds tightly to my shirt, my hair, my skin - whatever his tiny fist can grasp - he gulps down milk with a vengeance, as though he hasn't had a drink in days. He drinks and drinks and sighs with satisfaction as his tummy slowly fills up and he gets the satisfaction that he wants.

That he craves.

That his world stands still for.

It's the next part that is so sweet to me. Once his tummy is full and he's drifted back into dreamland... Once he's satisfied with milk and resting again... Then it's only Mama that he wants. Just to be close. Just to have his face smashed into my bosom and his ear where he can feel the beating of my heart. He just wants my presence and he'll rest there as long as I'll let him.

I wish I were that way with my Lord. I wish I craved His Word with sudden desperation at various times throughout the day, eager to gulp down my fill until I've had so much I'll burst. I wish I could think of nothing else until I've been satisfied with His sweet words to me. I wish my world stood still until I had the nourishment from my Father that I can't live without.

And I wish that when that were through, I could think of only resting in His presence, with my face smashed into His bosom where I can hear the beating of His heart and catch His passion for His children. I wish I wanted to rest there as long as He would let me, enjoying the simple bliss of being with Him.

He chooses the simple to shame the wise and the weak to teach the strong. He uses parenting to show me how deep and wide He loves me. In so many ways. On so many levels.

Lord teach me this child-like need for You. Give me faith that moves mountains. Grant me a desperate need for You and satiate me with Your Word.