i'm sure ya'll were just dying to know that.
well, that's what you all get when i decide to stream-of-consciousness blog at 6:30 in the morning (a writing style is stole from mckmama). two weeks ago i started a new practice of blogging from 6-7 a.m., and not allowing myself to blog at any other time (for the most part). the purpose is to keep me from being distracted during the day and to motivate me to get up early. and to go to bed early. it was working pretty well, so here i am. yesterday, alejandro and i sat down and had a great conversation about a few routines and "rules" for ourselves we are putting in to place to help keep us focused, keep our spirits up, and to keep us from worrying and working 24/7. this was one of them.
so far we've done pretty well at staying positive and focused and keeping things in perspective. it seems god has given us an extra measure of grace in this area and i am so very thankful and i'm pretty pleasantly surprised.
i'm also (once again) so very thankful for my mary kay business, from which i've learned so many skills that have helped me (and therefore us) stay focused, stay organized, keep things in perspective, create routine and schedule that is reasonable and to remain thankful. what a gift to have all these skills at my fingertips when i need them most!
in church sunday i was writing during worship - which is a regular thing for me. god talks to me and i write (on my phone) and talk back while i sing and worship. i wrote:
"i have set the lord always before me. because he is at my right hand, i will not be shaken." psalm 16:8
totally out of control.
and completely at rest.
for the first time in a very long time, i am completely at peace. totally at rest. i'm sleeping soundly. on thursday, every last shred of control was taken away and i couldn't be more relaxed than i am right now. i finally let go. i was holding so tight to everything. i was trying so hard to fight the good fight and to work to resolve certain worries and troubles in our lives. it was a huge struggle and i was so tired.
why do we do that? why do we think we have to look like we've got it all together? why do we work to maintain control and hold onto our will?
on thursday i quit fighting. on thursday i sat down still and started letting him fight. he took the riegns and i am finally resting in the bottom of the boat amidst a huge storm. fast asleep. at peace.
thank you jesus for taking everything out of my hands. thank you for forcing me to let go.
(singing)
find rest my soul
admit you're weary
i will cast my cares
for you have always cared
his yoke is easy
his burden is light
i have decided
i'm gonna fix my eyes
on the perfector
the author of my faith
jesus christ.
psalm 27:1-4
the lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
the lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
when evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
one thing I ask of the lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the lord
and to seek him in his temple.
i wish i could say that the feeling of rest and peace lasted longer than two days. (good grief lord, how long will i have to walk around this mountain?) but it didn't. last night i was feeling the urge to get up from the bottom of that boat in the middle of the storm and to walk on water, following jesus out into the middle of the raging storm.
i suppose i will probably go through many yo-yo's of peace and worry. by his grace i pray that through this i'll learn to find peace more and longer and to venture out into the storm with confidence that i follow the one who is in control of it all.
well, that's it for this morning. and since i've got no good or smooth ending to my steam-of-consciousness post, i'll just stop.
oh, except, would you please click over and pray for this sweet family? thanks. :)
love,
