In Which I Admit I Don't Always Like Myself... and the One Who Does

Lately I haven't liked myself very much.

Maybe it's the hormones. I hear that the hormonal ups and downs of nursing can be just as bad if not worse than during pregnancy.

But hormones or none, I just haven't really liked who I am lately. Do you ever go through times like that? There are lots of times that I like myself just fine. I find myself to be fun, energetic, witty and attractive. But every now and then I hit a wall. And Satan does a great job of convincing me that I'm just horrid. And usually when he convinces me that I'm horrid, I start acting that way and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I've heard it said that What you think about, you bring about. But that's a subject for another day.

I guess what I'm hit with today is the fact that God finds me lovely. Tears wet my face when I think that he likes me. And when I dislike myself as much as I do today, it's amazing to me that he sent his son to die. For me.

Those words never hit me the way they do now. I have a son. Just one. An only son.

He's beautiful and precious and perfect. I could stare at him for hours, memorizing his face. I fall apart when I whack his head or his arm because of my clumsiness. The world stands still when he wails and that lower lip quivers in a sob. If we hear him coughing or choking in the night, my husband and I are out of bed and at his side in 0.05 seconds flat to make sure he's alright.

I'd stand in front of a moving train for him. I can't fathom sending him to die for anyone. Let alone someone as unlikeable as me today.

I don't know if this is resonating with anyone, but I hope it is. Do you realize how incredible that is? Do you know the gift that God gave us and the sacrifice He made?

This morning I watched a sermon online called The Gift of Grace, by Pastor Robert Morris. I highly recommend spending the time to view it. I was weeping by the end of it. Here's the link: TheGiftOfGrace

At the end of the sermon is a video of a father and a son. The son is mute and paralyzed and can only communicate through a computer, but he wanted to run a marathon. So the father (who is not an athlete) trained and ran the marathon while pushing his son. He practiced and sweat and worked and endured pain in order to push his son across the finish line. So that his son could experience victory. My victories are like that. They are only the result of the Father pushing, sweating, working, and the enduring pain so that I might live. Truly live.

So may we truly live today? Not just endure the day. Not just check the boxes and get through the next hour at work doing something you don't want to. Not just make it through the next dirty diaper (oh wait, that's my world). But really live.

He is passionately in love with you. More so than I am in love with my little Danilo. More than you are in love with your kids. More than you're in love with your spouse, best friend or family. More than we even know how to love. Just revel in that today.

I pray you are blessed by this. Leave a comment and let me know.