Most Embarrassing Moment

I may SERIOUSLY regret publishing this, but it was TOO funny to pass up sharing it!

Last week I was grocery shopping at Walmart. The wonderful thing about Walmart is that you can get pet supplies and groceries and pharmacy prescriptions and clothes and lawn furniture and rugs all in one place!

So since giving birth to Danilo, I've healed and recovered quite nicely, but there has been one annoying symptom hanging around and I want it to go away NOW. So I approached the pharmacy counter with a shopping cart FULL of the baby car seat, the baby, the diaper bag (that alone filled three fourths of the cart) oh, and groceries too! There was a rather long line for the pharmacy, and I didn't know where to find the item I was looking for, so I walked up to the portion of the counter that read, consultations. When no one paid attention to me for a minute or two, I decided to ask the woman behind the register, figuring she could quickly point me in the right direction.

"Excuse me," I said. "Could you tell me where I could find, um... hemorrhoid medicine?”

“Sure,” replied the lady kindly. That was the end of her kindness, because then (to my humiliation) she proceeded to turn around and HOLLER to the lady in the back room (for all of Walmart to hear), “HEY SUZY! WHERE IS HEMORRHOID MEDICINE?!?”

She got her answer, and pointed to the correct aisle.

Glad for the opportunity to exit the scene and avoiding the eyes of everyone in the long line, I headed to the correct aisle.

Just when I thought I was home free, I hear (to my horror) the kind woman yell to me again. “EXCUSE ME, MA’AM!?! I WAS WRONG. THE HEMORRHOID MEDICINE IS IN AISLE 8!!! – WELL ACTUALLY – WHAT IS IT THAT YOU NEED EXACTLY?”

By this time I was frantically turning my enormous cart around to get closer to her so she didn't have to yell so loud.

“DO YOU WANT THEM TO GO AWAY OR JUST TAKE AWAY THE PAIN?”

“One moment!” I finally say, trying to squeeze myself and my cart past the long line of people who are now all staring at me.

“Oh yes,” realizes the ditzy idiotic brainless absentminded-at-the-moment woman, “I guess you probably don’t want to talk about that in front of everyone!”

Finally I get close enough for her to quiet down.

“Do you want them to go away or just take away the pain?”

“Well, what’s available?” I ask, now beet red.

“HEY SUZY! WHAT’S AVAIL—?“

“COULD I JUST TALK TO SUZY DIRECTLY, please?”

“Oh yes!”

And as I squeeze once more between two people in the long line, on my way to Suzy, I say to the rest of Walmart, “Sorry! I thought it was a simpler question than that!”

And thankfully one or two of them returned a kind smile in sympathy for my humiliation.