so we're a week into our study of the bible - reading through it chronologically - and i've had somewhat of an "inspiration brain freeze." each time i sat down to write, or started to think about what to write, i just kind of froze. i really haven't known what to write. i still really don't know what to write.
i haven't had any major "aha" moments or any times in my scripture reading when god had spoken to me in whispers or in thunderous roars to tell me something great.
and that's been a bit discouraging.
have any of you experienced that i wonder?
and to make matters worse, it's easter, when i'm "supposed" to be experiencing a special appreciation for the death of christ on the cross to pay for my sin and salvation. so i've been feeling particularly depressed about it.
which is why i have neglected to write about mi querida biblia for the past week. and why i've neglected to write about anything at all for the past couple of days. my mom even texted me last night to ask if i was ok because i've been "particularly quiet." translation: "you haven't tweeted, texted, facebooked or blogged for 24 hours and so i'm wondering if you've fallen off the earth."
i've gotta admit - it did sorta make me giggle.
anyway, all that to say i've had sort of a writer's block.
the other night, on good friday, i did write the following, although i didn't post it because it was kind of depressing:
it's 1 a.m. and i'm awake in the middle of the night for about the fourth time this week.well he did. and i am better. and mostly it was all just worry about things that are out of my hands anyway.
and i feel down in the dumps. so many of my bloggy friends have written beautiful posts about easter and the wonderful terrible death of jesus on this good friday. i wish i felt the same. but truthfully, i just feel alone and unworthy.
to be honest, i kind of feel like jesus left the world at our house this week. i'm not exactly sure why. maybe it's because i haven't exercised in over a week. maybe i'm thrown off by the weird eating and sleeping habits danny has taken on since starting antibiotics on sunday. maybe maybe it's the frustration with my business. maybe it's all of those things. but i just feel like jesus is gone.
i know he is not. i know that he is right by my side, carrying me in my weakness. but i feel an awful lot like mary when her savior was inexplicably absent, while he should've been saving the world. i feel an awful lot like christy so eloquently wrote here.
and i just can't wait for son-day to get here. may the dark clouds part. may the temple curtain rip down the center. may doubt flee and hopelessness be eradicated forever. and praise the lord, it has!
it wouldn't be life and i wouldn't be human if i didn't have these days. light wouldn't be with it is if darkness wasn't present sometimes. warmth wouldn't feel good if chill never set in. i am so very thankful for the character he places in me by guiding me through the tougher weeks.
jesus, thank you that there is truly something that always brings hope no matter how emotional, tired, depressed or frustrated i may feel. thank you for already winning the victory and for defeating the enemy long ago.
be present in my thoughts and remind me always of your saving grace. amen.
and i remembered something that i knew in the recesses of my mind...
obedience precedes blessing
i had to learn to painstakingly sound out words before i could enjoy shakespeare. i had to learn the basic steps before i could swing dance with style of my own. i had to add before i understood algebra enough to tutor it. and i had to figure out how to hold a pencil before i could ever come close to writing words of inspiration to reach others for christ.
none of those things were fun at first. but after applying discipline and learning new skills, each of those things became a source of great joy in my life.
i figure that reading scripture - from cover to cover - will be somewhat of the same kind of exercise. right now it's all i can do to remember to actually get the daily reading done each day. let alone really getting a whole lot out of it.
we're in the middle of the book of job, and the man has been droning on for days about his horrible plight - and it truly was horrible. i'd really like to get the part when god puts him in his place. but i'm sure that right about then, god will be putting me in my place too, and reminding me that this is for my strengthening. the joy will come. it just might not come right away.
so are any of you experiencing somewhat of the same thing? if so, it's ok. you're not alone. and this too will pass. just stick with it.
are you behind in reading already and beating yourself up for it? don't. just take one day at a time. read one day's worth, and call it a victory. you'll catch up sooner or later.
i pray you are incredibly blessed and inspired today as we celebrate christ alive in each of us. and if you're not feeling that way, well, it's ok. i'm just thankful you are here. because you are blessing me immensely.
if you are part of "mi querida biblia," tell us how it's going!
1. write your thoughts down on your own blog
2. link up using the MckLinky linky thingy.
3. grab the "mi querida biblia" button and stick it somwhere in your post.
don't have a blog? just share in the comments section!
are you just joining us and not sure what in the world i'm talking about? well, just click here and find out. we'd love for you to join us. just start in on day one, and catch up with one extra chapter per day until you're with us. it won't take you long.
oh, and...
thanks for being here!
