Deep and Wide & Danilo's 1st 10 Days

Remember that Sunday school song?

...Deep and wide... deep and wide... there's a fountain flowing deep and wide... 

Last week at about 3 a.m. I was nursing Danilo, on the verge of LOSING IT, when I decided that I would be proactive about the situation, and take a minute to drag myself out of my groggy state, put on some relaxing music, go to the bathroom, and get some water before pulling him close to feed him.  (This is because the previous nursing session in which I frantically jumped out of bed, scooped him up, and nursed him through thirst, hunger, pain, and an urgent need to pee...  well, let's just say it didn't go so well!) 

So the music I put in was a CD of lullaby Sunday School songs.  And the song playing was Deep and Wide.  I listened (a little more relaxed) as I gazed groggily at my little one, totally content and taking in his fill.  The words ran through my mind...  deep and wide... there's a fountain flowing... 

I was totally consumed by how in love with this little boy I am. And how that grows more each day.  And it dawned on me that the song never says what is deep and wide.  And then it dawned on me that it's a fountain of LOVE that flows from above that is deep and wide. 

I believe that God gives us things in life for the purpose of teaching us more about HIM.  NOT so that our life is more fun or more blessed.  Of course, often through the process we are more blessed, and our life is more fun!  However, I don't think that's why we receive those things.  New jobs, promotions, moves to a different city or state, spouses, houses, children...  they each give us an opportunity to see into His character a little deeper.  I have always believed this.  But it came home in a new way that night as I sat there nursing. 

Frankly, I was quite uncomfortable.  I was so filled with love for this little boy, but make no mistake about it; I was not having fun at that moment.  Yet I would have had it no other way.  And I thought, "God loves me that much... and infinitely more than I could ever fathom."  He endured much more than discomfort for me.  And what He feels towards me is so incredibly beyond what I could ever feel towards my baby.  His Spirit whispered to my soul, "Renee...  I love you this much.  Let that comfort you through this tough time.  Let me love on you.  Imagine my arms wrapped around you, holding you the way you hold
Danilo."  It was almost tangible.  Tears fell from my eyes in gratitude. 

Danilo is 10 days old today.  Here is a glimpse at the last 10 days with our family of three:


DAY 1

Just an hour or two old... 

My mom couldn't wait to meet her grandson!  I think she went from the door to him in her arms in about 0.75 seconds!

DAY 2

Danny was a bit jaundicy so he got his own tanning bed in the hospital...  Even so, he was able to be on the phototherapy bed right in the room with us. 

Hangin' with Dad...

Hangin' with Mom...

DAY 3

The phototherapy bed got old real fast!  We could only have him out of it to eat... and then right back on the bed.  So cuddle time was limited.  We were SO glad when he could be done with the bed and we could hold him to our hearts' content! 

Alejandro brought me flowers in the hospital...

Coming home from the hospital...

DAY 5

Still sleepin'!

DAY 6

He's awake! 

He's stinky!  Time for his first sponge bath!

Is that not the cutest pair of buns you've ever seen!?

Clean baby!

And some boy-bonding time...

DAY 8

Aw Mom... so many pictures!  You're makin' me blush!

Check out this sleeping position!

DAY 9

The many facial expressions of Danilo while sleeping...

DAY 10

And today we've spent pretty much the whole day like this: 

I've gotten several questions about the correct pronunciation of Danilo's name.  Hopefully this will help: 

The boy's name Danilo (dah NEE lo) is a variant of Daniel, and the meaning of Danilo is "God is my judge". I was mistaken, and while Daniel is Hebrew, Danilo is not, but is used in English, Italian, Portuguese, Serbian and Spanish speaking countries.

Danilo's Birth Story - in more detail

Today, Danilo is two months old!

So in honor of the day... and since I have a few new readers... and since I haven't written out Danilo's birth story in so much detail... I thought I'd walk down memory lane with some fresh (never seen before) pictures:

Sunday, June 29th, Alejandro and I were headed to Walmart for our bi-weekly grocery shopping trip. I debated on whether or not to go because I was enormous and because I was having contractions. I wasn't too concerned about the contractions because I had had the same thing happen the week before with no resulting labor or delivery. But as it turns out, this week would be different. We managed to get through the grocery store and then got home and I went to bed. I slept through the night - well, except for my 3 nightly trips to the bathroom - and woke up the next morning at about 7 or 8 a.m.

My contractions had not gone away. In fact they had stayed consistent in timing and seemed to be a little stronger. I started to think that this might be the "real thing," and that maybe I should cancel the Mary Kay appointment I had scheduled for that morning.

Can you imagine how that would have gone?! "Now put on the cleanser. Go ahead and rinse. (hard sucking in breath) One moment, this one's almost done! ...Ok, now here is the moisturizer." What a disaster that would have been!

Ok, anyway, so I cancelled my appointment and called Alejandro to tell him that I thought I was in labor, but that I still had a while to go and not to panic (yeah right) or come home yet. Then I decided to shower, realizing that I should take advantage of the opportunity before things got too far along. Then I called the photographer who is also a great friend of mine and a trained mid-wife. She was able to listen to me suck my breath through each contraction and confirm that it was indeed the real thing. Then she and I started packing our bags.

By about 9:30 or 10 a.m., I wasn't able to do much except for breathe through contractions, so I called the hospital and the nurse advised me to come on in, even if I though might be sent home. Better safe than sorry. I called Alejandro and told him that it was time for him to come home and for us to go to the hospital. At this point, I still sounded calm and collected. ...but not for long!

My memory's a little fuzzy, but it seems that there was a sudden change in the next half hour, because by 10:30 I had called Alejandro back and said, "I JUST NEED YOU TO GET HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" He was out at a job-site, and had to get back to the warehouse to then drive the Jeep home to me, but he made it across town in record time!

When Alejandro got home, the routine went like this: Alejandro takes the fastest shower of his life. Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction. Alejandro puts his clothes on. Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction. Alejandro grabs 3 things to put in the suitcase. Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction. Alejandro puts those three things in the suitcase and grabs three more things. Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction. Alejandro makes two sandwiches. Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction. Alejandro... You get the idea.

Finally we made the (very uncomfortable) drive to the hospital. I think I was able to relax a little mentally then, because you see, I was born in the car (I'll have to post this story another time) and so my "birth plan" was mostly just to make it to the hospital!

At 11:30 a.m. (I think) we made went into triage. (This is where they decide if you're in enough pain to be admitted to the hospital.) They did take one look at me and knew this was the real thng, but when they measured me, I was only one centimeter dilated, so unless I was going to take an epidural, they weren't ready to admit me. It turns I was having back labor and very intense contractions, despite the fact that I was early into active labor. Back labor is a type of labor in which the mother feels most if not all of her contraction pain in her lower back. Danny's head was down (good) but his back was positioned against my spine (bad), rather than being positioned against my belly button. It was excruciatingly painful. So rather than send me home, the blessed nurse let me spend the next several hours in triage.

By 1 or 2 p.m. I decided to accept a temporary pain medication that would allow me to sleep some and rest for more intense labor later on. Ths turned out to not be such a big rest, because I could still feel much of the pain. It just kind of knocked me out in between each contraction.

Then we decided to head down the hall to the tub to do some labor there. I welcomed any change I could get!After a few stops in the hallway... ...I eased my big belly into the warm water.
After a while I was ready to be dry and get off of my knees, so I waddled and Alejandro walked back down the hall to triage. It was now close to 4 p.m. I was still only 3-4 centimeters dilated, but I was completely spent. I really wanted to do the whole thing naturally, but I was exhausted. The nurse encouraged me that I should be very proud for making it that far without pain medication , but she warned me that when my water broke the contractions would be twice as hard. In addition, I was fighting each contraction, which hindered the productivity of each one in getting me to the goal: 10 cm. I decided (with a mix of disapointment and relief) to take an epidural. I was then admitted, and we headed back down the hall to a labor and delivery room.

Then, things got much more fun! I was able to relax and sleep and we began a very long waiting game.
Alejandro took the opportunity to call his mom in Costa Rica.
We hung out and talked.
And I slept as much as I could.
Alejandro was great at helping to move me and massage me. I had no control of the lower half of my body and all I could feel was tingles from the waist down. (Not really my favorite feeling.)
We laughed and when the nursing staff left the room we smuggled me some snacks! I was SO hungry! I had not had anything to eat since about 1 p.m. and my pregnancy craving for chocolate chip granola bars hit its peak!
By p.m. I had made it to 7 or 8 centimeters. I will always remember it as a fun day spent together in the best adventure of our lives! Finally by about midnight I was 10 centimeters dilated, and it was time to push!
However, the doctor said that my contractions weren't strong enough to get the baby out (due to the epidural) and if I didn't take some Pitocin I could be pushing for hours. I somewhat expected this.
After a few more preparations, the doctor started to "suit up." I had to laugh! She was covered head to toe. When I made a comment, she said, "Well, I'm the one in the splash zone!"
I pushed for about an hour, and at 1:19 a.m. on June 30th, our little guy arrived! The moment I'd waited for had arrived, and I was absolutely elated. Look for Danny's little foot in front of Alejandro's stomach in this picture:
The cord had been wrapped around his neck, so I only had him on my tummy for just a minute before he was whisked across the room for his airways to be cleaned out and for him to be cleaned up.

It was so surreal and amazing. I remember holding his head in one hand and a foot in the other and thinking they were so tiny! I rembember looking at him and being struck by the powerful realization that here was a little person who I was meeting for the first time, with a unique look of his own. Yet he had the features of my husband, my brother-in-law, and I (particularly my brother-in-law's eyes) and he looked so familiar! As if I'd always known him. It was the most powerful thing I've been struck with in a very long time.
When he was across the room, all I could do was pray, "Dear God, let him breathe now. Let him be ok." Within a minute he let out a little cry and I breathed a sigh of relief!
Proud Papa looked on in love and awe and the emotions hit him.
I reveled in the sights and sounds of my little boy across the room while they cleaned me up.
Alejandro went back and forth between me and Danilo.

He weighed 5 lbs, 10 oz.s and was 18 3/4 inches long.
His lower lip made its debut early. Now I know why! Is that killer or what!?
And at long last I got to hold him and it was unspeakably amazing. All I could do was stare and attempt to memorize every detail of his little features.

Father in heaven, thank you for the best gift we've ever been given.

Thank you for our family. Thank you for Danilo.

Danilo's Birth

 A few months ago I wrote what no one told me about pregnancy and what everyone told me but I didn't entirely believe.   After 7 whole days of mommy-hood now...  here are my top two: 

What everyone told me but I couldn't have fathomed how true it really is:  This is the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. 

What no one could've possibly told me in earthly language:  How utterly and completely I would instantly fall hopelessly in love with my most precious little boy. 

Here is the story of his debut into this world just 7 days ago:

Well it really started Sunday night, when we went to Walmart and I was having contractions - what is it about Walmart that makes me have contractions anyway?  Though I thought they were probably just more false alarms, Sunday night I went to bed and when Alejandro and I prayed together, I asked the Lord for these please to be the real thing, and to give me patience with His Perfect Timing (come back for more about this later). 

Monday morning, I woke up and the contractions had gotten harder and stayed consistent.  I layed there in bed, thinking, "should I cancel my Mary Kay appointment today?  or should I go?"  Well, it's a very good thing that I decided to cancel it, because by 9:30 a.m. I was using relaxation breathing for each contraction.  I could still talk through them, but I could tell they were the real thing.  So I called my photographer (she's responsible for all of the amazing pictures below, by the way) who's also my good friend.  At 10 a.m. I called the hospital and the nurses encouraged me to come in, even if they might send me home.  So I called Alejandro and said I thought he should come home.  At that moment, I was still able to be sweet and calm to him.   But not for long!  By 10:30, I called Alejandro again and said, "I JUST NEED YOU TO GET HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE."  He made it across town in record time. 

When Alejandro got home, the routine was like this:  Alejandro takes the fastest shower of his life.  Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction.  Alejandro puts his clothes on.  Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction.  Alejandro grabs 3 things to put in the suitcase.  Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction.  Alejandro puts those three things in the suitcase and grabs three more things.  Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction.  Alejandro makes two sandwiches.  Alejandro coaches Renee through a contraction.  Alejandro...  You get the idea.  At 11:30 a.m. (I think) we made it to the hospital and went to triage.   (This is where they decide if you're in enough pain to be admitted to the hospital.)  Apparently, I was NOT.  Because I spent the next several hours in triage. 

I was only 1 cm dilated at that point - but my contractions were very intense, although the nurse (bless her wonderful heart) was not going to send me home.  Danilo was facing head down (good) but with his back against my spine (bad).  The "back labor" was excruciating.  But we did what we could without being able to admit me.  We started with some breathing techniques.  They kind of worked... but I was already pretty tired.  It was about 1 or 2 p.m.  I decided to accept a temporary pain medication that would allow me to sleep some and rest for more intense labor later on.  After about an hour of "rest" (because Alejandro still had to massage my back and I had to breathe controlled through each contraction, which were still about 3-4 minutes apart).  Then we headed for the tub. 

At about 4 p.m. I was still only 3-4 centimeters, but I was completely spent.  The nurse encouraged me that I should be very proud for making it that far without pain medication, but she warned me that when my water broke the contractions would be twice as hard.  In addition, I was fighting each contraction, which hindered the productivity of each one in getting me to the goal:  10 cm.  I decided (with a mix of disapointment and relief) to take an epidural.  I was then admitted, and we headed down the hall. 

...with some pauses and some difficulty...

 

After that, things got MUCH EASIER, and MUCH MORE FUN!  At 6 p.m. the epidural had set in and I had made it to 7 cm.  The waiting game began. 

By 8 p.m. I had gotten pretty hungry, having not eaten anything since I arrived at the hospital before noon, so when the nurses stepped out, a little rebellion took place...  My pregnancy craving for chocolate chip granola bars hit its peak!

We waited some more and I rested some more.  I was between 7 and 8 centimeters then. 

At long last by midnight I was at 10 cm and it was time to push!   ...the fun part! 

No really... it really was fun!  I pushed for about an hour...  quite a challenge when you have no control over your body from the waist down! Finally the moment arrived when the little guy's head came out.  The cord was wrapped around his neck, but the doctor expertly cut it and slipped out his shoulders and body.  The moment I'd waited for had arrived, and I was absolutely elated.  It was so surreal and amazing.  I just remember holding his head in one hand and a foot in the other and thinking they were so tiny! 

Danilo was quickly whisked over to the nurse's table across the room, where I could watch and listen, and they got him breathing and cleaned him up. 

Proud Papa looked on and thanked our Lord, as the emotions finally hit him all at once. 

Danny makes this face ALL the time! 

 

Alejandro kept going back and forth between me and Danilo, until he was cleaned up...

...and ready to properly say hello.

It was unspeakably amazing to finally hold him in my arms.  Alejandro brought him to me and I looked into his tiny face and it was so new, and yet seemed so known.  So familiar.  As if I'd always known him.  I wanted to take in every detail and memorize his face. 

 

Father in heaven, how humbled we are to be graced with such a gift. 

Danilo Chinchilla Porras  (picture by Matt Frank)

One day old.