1 a.m. and Unedited

I can only take her in small doses at times of the day when it doesn't matter if I'm able to compose myself or not.  It's not that she's a bad writer.  She's a fantastically brilliant writer, actually.  It's because I can only handle the life that is her existence in little doses.  It's just too much sometimes.  ...I know.  She probably wishes she could take it in little doses too.  It's sure not fair.

And she's crazy strong.  And a damn good mom.

I've been reading other blogs again a lot lately.  I think it's part of finding my voice again.  My writer's voice that is.

Don't ever set aside one of your deepest passions in order to "concentrate on work" for a while.  Not even for a little while.  It's just not worth it.  I didn't mean to do this.  To set aside one of my deepest passions for the sake of a career.  It just happened because that career holds another one of my deepest passions, and it made sense at the time.  Now I know. Lesson learned.  It won't happen again.

I just this lady's pasta salad.  It was yummy.  And now I want Doritos.  I do miss her open heart spilling out all over the page.  But I admire even more her perseverance and her heart for serving her husband and honoring his desire to keep their relationship private.  For someone who likes to spill their bloody and bleeding heart all over the page for all the world to read - oh wait, that's me - it's not easy to keep one's mouth shut.  Good job, lady.  I'm proud of you.

I will resist the Doritos.  I will resist the Doritos.

Goodnight.