Taking A Break

Today is the second really good day in a row for me. This weekend we kept the schedule clear and dedicated it to conquering the weeds and landscaping our backyard. Being together with family, being out in the sun, and having a project to collaborate on is good for my soul. It's good for all of us. All the sun's vitamin D is great for battling depression.

I'm inside nursing Gianni at the moment. I think God created babies to eat every 3-4 hours just because mommies need a good excuse to sit and cuddle for a half hour. Now that I've finally figured out a good eating schedule for him (and man, it sure took long enough!) I'm really enjoying these times of sitting, rocking, relaxing, and watching him take his fill.

I'm praying y'all are having as peace-filled and joyous a weekend as I am.

With Love,
Renee

{just a bit of mobile blogging}

Remedies for Postpartum Depression

Since writing my first post about my postpartum depression (PPD) just a two days ago, I've received SO many responses of encouragement, love and prayer from SO many of you!  An incredibly high number of YOU have experienced it, which makes me feel both comforted (I'm not alone) and sad for you.

I was originally going to start off with a post about what it feels like and how to identify PPD.  However, I'm a little overwhelmed with the amount of information to gather for that post.  It can feel like a lot of different things and it can feel different from one woman to another.  So I'm going to start by writing today about the  natural remedies that have helped me in the last two weeks.

However, I will briefly share the best description I've found to date about determining between normal "baby blues" and abnormal (but common) PPD:  In her post "Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression," Dr. Shoshana Bennett writes, "First, the Blues are considered to be normal. They don't feel good, but they are mild and transient. Most moms - 50 to 80% - experience some ups and downs, weepiness, vulnerability, forgetfulness, and stress when their babies are born. The Blues should be gone by about two weeks after delivery. If they continue, even if the symptoms are mild, this is now called PPD... if the symptoms are severe enough to get in the way of normal functioning, even if they occur during the first two weeks postpartum, it is considered to be PPD. So, if you're experiencing symptoms such as a loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping at night when the baby sleeps, hopelessness, poor concentration, anxiety, anger, deep sadness, low self esteem, overwhelm, or lack of energy (that rest doesn't take care of), don't wait. Get help right away."

Thank you, Dr. Bennett! With that said, I'll come back later with a detailed post about what it feels like.

For now, I want to talk about a few things that have helped me manage my case of PPD.  I say manage because I have yet to find something that has made my depression go away and not come back. However, the good news is that if you do have PPD, unless you have a very severe case I believe, you can continue to live a fairly normal life, with some lifestyle modifications.  The other good news is that these lifestyle modifications will probably help you whether you have PPD or not, and if you continue with them in the coming months and years, you'll probably live a happier, healthier, fuller life.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of remedies that can help, and what works for one woman may not work for another, so what I've been doing is just trying everything I can and adding in one thing at a time. Great self-care is the name of the game and many small measures can contribute to a greater sense of peace, contentment and well-being.

I started by paying a visit to my Ob doctor, chiropractor and a counselor.  My Ob doctor offered medicine, but I made it clear that I wanted that to be a last resort for me.  Antidepressant medicines are both addictive and create dependency (see this article) and I will go to great lengths to avoid them if at all possible.  Please understand, I'm not boo-hoo-ing them for everyone.  I DO believe that there are severe cases for which antidepressant medicines are appropriate, and I believe every woman has to make this decision  herself with the guidance of her family and her practitioner.  However, my personal preference is to avoid them if at all possible.  That said, the nurse practitioner I saw recommended a natural progesterone cream called Pro-Gest by Emerita purchasable at Whole Foods and other natural grocers.  I will have to post later and let you know if I see any results with this.  I haven't been using it long enough or consistently enough to see a difference.

My chiropractor adjusted me & got me into alignment - aaah.  I see her once every week or two and that has helped me feel physically better in a BIG way.  I have her to thank for a huge contribution to my general well-being. She also checked me for homeopathic remedies and prescribed two to help with focus and brain function.  Lastly she used kinesiology to help me resolve some emotional issues. All three of these things made an immediate, significant and lasting difference in how I felt!

The counselor helped me to identify a source of stress in my life.  She also helped me find the words to articulate this source of stress to my husband and identify for myself why letting go of this source of stress was causing me anxiety.  The source of stress (for me) happened to be my part time job tutoring, which I was dragging both my boys with me to and from twice a week.  Through my conversation with the counselor and some personal reflection, I identified what my primary focuses needed to be during this season of my life (my God, my family, my self-care, my writing and a few hours a week in my Mary Kay business) and clear away from my schedule all that isn't related to those things.

Next, I received some essential oils samples and learned how to use them. DoTerra is a fantastic brand as well as Young Living.  Essential oils take less than 30 seconds to penetrate the skin to take effect and I frequently reach for lavender to apply to my wrists, arches and balls of my feet, and back of my neck.  It has an immediately calming effect.  I've also used a lavender diffuser in my bedroom or the kids' rooms, which calms everyone down.

Another remedy that comes to mind is St. John's Wort vitamin supplement. It's a great natural aid to fight depression, but I have not tried this one, because it can interfere with breastfeeding, and nursing Gianni is really important to me.

I'm also learning how important it is to get up and shower and dress early in the day, even if I'm going to be home all day, and especially if it's hot.  When I'm clean and looking good, I feel good.  As women, we're just wired that way.  So pop in a half hour video for the older kids and put the baby in a bouncer seat and hit the shower.  Do your hair, slap on a little mascara and lip gloss (seriously, that's all it takes to change your whole look) and wear something that makes you feel good.  While you're at it, make sure you have a properly fitting nursing bra.  Yes, I know, you may end up buying another one in two months when you're breasts change sizes yet again.  But what it will do for your sense of personal confidence and well-being is worth every penny.

By far, however, the single most effective thing I've found that has helped me to have an "up" day is starting the day with exercise 3 to 4 times a week.  Here's why:  First of all, it gets me out of my pajamas, out of the house and with other people, laughing, moving and dancing to music that I like.  (I exercise at Jazzercise, which is an hour of aerobic dance in a class-setting... it's a blast!)  It's certainly important to have a day or two a week when you can sleep in, rest, and lounge around in your pj's all morning, but getting out to exercise will give you a break from the kids while they're in child-care and you're working out.  Even if jogging outside is your thing, they will be occupied in the jogging stroller while you cruise down the street with good music in your ears.  A little "me" time does wonders for my mood on the days I make a point to get to the dance studio.  Secondly, it gets me sweating and drinking water, which cleanses the system of toxins.  Third, it raises endorphin levels, which lifts my mood. Not to mention, it raises my metabolism for the following 24-48 hours, which just plain feels good!  The science behind it is all in this article, if you're curious.

A daily routine consisting of a work-out in the morning and a shower sometime before early afternoon has really helped me manage my mood and keep depression at bay. Incorporating into that routine plenty of protein and water and making sure I keep up with vitamins and supplements also makes a HUGE difference in how I feel. (I take a prenatal vitamin, an immune system booster and a calcium/magnesium supplement.) I'm also working on minimizing processed sugars and starches (white sugars) from my diet and using LESS sugar and wheat pastas instead. This is challenging, because when I feel down, I eat and I usually reach for the chocolate cookies instead of almonds or carrots. Anyway, a healthy diet will do wonders for your emotional stability.

The good news is that there are many many options for you to try.  The bad news is that each one of these things takes time (several weeks sometimes) to begin to keep depression at bay, if they are going to.  So find a schedule and routine you can handle, settle into it, and take it one day at a time.  Give yourself time to work it out.

I'm going to write another post entirely about spiritual warfare, and my relationship with each member of my family.  I think understanding these inter-related elements of PPD is KEY, but there's a lot to say and it deserves its own post.

If you've had PPD, would you share (in the comments section so all can read) what helped you?  I know there are remedies that I haven't mentioned here and I'd love for this to be a resource for scores of women!

Thanks again to everyone who has written and sent encouragement and helped to spread the word.  Please "like" and link to this subject so women you know can benefit from this knowledge too! :-D

Say Postpartum What!?!?

It was a pretty normal hot summer morning. We were in Danny's bedroom.  I was sweaty in my workout clothes and the baby was fussy - almost ready for a nap, but needing his diaper changed and a little TLC before being put down for a nap.  Danny wanted me to play with him and I was trying to direct him to put away some toys and manage my 7 week old at the same time. Danny was only half paying attention and I'd repeated myself approximately 7 million times in the previous 5 minutes.

I snapped.  I yelled at him.

And then I knew.  Something was wrong.  

It hit me all at once:  Whatever my son was doing should not have irritated me as much as it did.  Would not have irritated me as much as it did if things were alright. I was angry.  Bitter and resentful towards my husband.  Exhausted and frustrated with life.  I was not enjoying these weeks and months with my newborn and no matter what happened, good or bad, I just seemed to be mad and emotional and depressed.  Weeping in the shower happened often.  I was just not myself. 

So I got online and reached out to a group of girlfirends of mine and posed this question:  "What does postpartum depression feel like?  Because I'm starting to think I might have it."

That was the start of my journey through understanding, managing and explaining my postartum depression.  I've done and learned A LOT in the last several weeks, as I try to manage this animal. I'll tell you a few things.  First of all, it's real.  It's real and it's debilitating.  It's much different than normal hormonal ups and downs and the emotional swings that go with beign pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding.  Secondly, it's MUCH more common than I could have ever imagined.  I have been so surprised at the number of my friends who have experienced postpartum depression.  In fact, according to this site, as many as 1 in 7 mothers are affected by it.

Third, it just plain sucks. Just this afternoon, I whispered through a hot mess of angry tears to my husband, "I hate this.  I hate feeling like this.  I just want to feel like me!"

Last week, the Father began to speak to me about this, and about the scores of women out there who are experiencing the same thing, but who are either too embarrassed, too foggy, not educated enough, or too proud to talk about it.  I decided that I was going to go completely public about it and write about it from beginning to end, while I'm experiencing it. I know I could wait until it's over and write about it then.  That would be safer.  That would be less vulnerable. But there is a certain raw honesty that comes when I write about something in the midst of the trial and that's what I think Yahweh is calling me to share.

My prayer is that I'll be able to help some mommies out there identify what they're going through, and help other mommies identify that this is (thankfully) not what they are going through.  I'm going to write about what this monster feels like, in real English.  I hope to make this subject more talked about and clear up some of the myths that are out there. It needs to be ok for a woman to verbally explore this subject with their family, their friends and their doctor without having to fear a quick diagnosis and a prescription for a medication they don't want to be on. I am going to talk about the many options for treating and managing PPD and give hope that medication doesn't have to be the answer, but that it may be, and if it is, that may be okay.

Rest assured that I am surrounded by my husband, my family, my friends and a handful of medical professionals who have their watchful eye on me.  I am well supported and I wouldn't begin to write about this without a great support system already in place.

Please spread the word and share this post with all the mommies you know.  If you are a mommy who has experienced postpartum depression, I need your help.  Please comment or email me: renee.mk11(at)gmail(dot)com. Let me know what PPD felt like to you.  The more detailed and honest you can be in your description, the better.  I won't be revealing any of the identities of anyone who decides to help and/or share unless you want me to.

Lastly, I ask for your prayer!  Pray that my postpartum depression would make its departure with a quickness!  Pray against the attacks of Satan who will not like what I'm writing and who would love to keep women trapped and uneducated about PPD. Pray for my words and this blog, that it would truly help some women who need it.  Pray that Christ would be honored in all that I say.  Thank you, friends!

And with that, I'm off to enjoy some snuggles with my sweet 9 week old and some calming tea.

Love,

The Turtle

Last Thursday, my husband went to New Mexico to work for a week.  Before he left, he promised Danny a surprise upon his return.  He didn't have anything in mind in particular, I believe.  He just wanted to give our boy a reason to look forward to his return, instead of lamenting the fact that he was leaving.

On the drive south, he called me and said with boyish delight, "I found Danny's surprise!"

"You found his surprise??"

And then he told me about how he almost drove over a turtle, but instead he stopped and picked it up and rescued it and he's bringing it home.

"A turtle!?" I was picturing the turtle my grandmother's neighbor had in her backyard for years when I was a child.  This turtle was a foot in diameter and ate all kinds of everything.

"Yes, a turtle!!"

"Um, might we want to discuss the incorporation of a new pet into our home first??"  I asked, laughing internally at my husband, but unable to reflect the hilarity of the situation in my voice. I just sounded cranky.

"Okay, yeah, I guess."

After he explained that this box turtle was 3 inches in diameter, I was a little more open to the idea, but I still texted my mom: "I can't believe he's bringing home a turtle." Merely a couple of weeks ago I was giggling at her for having found a box turtle in her own backyard, naming it Ezra and sending me daily stories about it via text. Little did I know that at that moment, she was babysitting both turtles in the back yard of her New Mexico home.

Fast forward a week. Alejandro brings the box turtle home and presents Danny with his new pet. Danny was totally delighted and spent the next several hours asking his Papa approximately one million times if he would "lift up the roof of his house" so he could see his turtle again. They fed him rotten celery that evening.

Oh, maybe this won't be so bad.  He'll just eat all the greens that go bad from our refrigerator instead of having to throw away what we didn't eat. Now, when I have to buy a whole bag of celery just for 2 stalks for a recipe, I won't feel so bad. Danny learns responsiblity for a creature and we minimize waste.  Perfect! 

The following day I just about jumped out of my skin, when I looked down to see this little turtle peering his little head over the top edge of the 18 inch tall box he'd been put into after having scaled the plastic-lined walls with his razor sharp claws.  Ahem.  Ok.  Dull cute little turtle toes.  But still.

Great. Just what I need... to accidentally step on a box turtle in the middle of the night and scream bloody murder.

And then came the crickets.  Yes, crickets.  Approximately 500 million of them alive in a bag for turtle food. At that, I put my proverbial foot down. A turtle I can handle.  Live crickets, not so much. They were banished to the garage.  But not before Danny brought the bag upstairs to the bedroom for me to see.

I almost gagged.

What sticker did Danny choose for his sticker chart last night? A cricket, of course.

Then later last night when all boys (1 big and 2 little) were sound asleep in their beds, I killed a moth with a 3 inch wing span. Say ew. I was pretty proud of myself for conquering this beast without waking any slumbering boys to take care of it for me.  This morning, as we rolled out of bed I told my husband about it, proud of my feat.

"What!? Where is it? We have to feed it to the turtle! That's good protein! All bugs killed must now be saved for the turtle. We have to find moths and worms to feed to him!! Come on! We have to hurry up and go get it before a bird eats it!” And he bounds out of bed.

Oh good grief. 

He and Danny are currently outside hunting worms to feed our little box turtle.

The level of boy grodiness in this household just spiked about 37 notches. This calls for tea and a pedicure.

1 Month

(written Nov 1, 2013)

Dear Gianni, 

Here are some one-month milestones I don't want to forget...  

You were born 7 lbs, 14 oz, and you never did lose any weight. You came home from the hospital just a little over 24 hours after you were born and at just 70 hours after you were born, you made your first outing to a restaurant to celebrate your Papa's 10 years in the United States. You gave us a little bilirubin scare, but you avoided the suntanning bed, unlike your brother.  By 5 days old, you were on a 3 hour schedule and by 7 days old, you made your church debut. 

At two weeks old, you were 20 1/4 inches long and you hit 8 lbs exactly. Your cord stub hung on until you were between 3 and 4 weeks old. At just over 3 weeks old, you lifted your head and turned it to the other side, while on your tummy. At 3 and a half weeks old, you rolled from your tummy to your back by accident.  Your head just pulled your right over! You also started to grasp things with your fingers and hold on. 

At your one month check-up appointment, you were 21 1/4 inches long, you hit 10 lbs 8 oz, and those 0-3 clothes are barely fitting you!

You slept and slept the day away. No amount of trying to keep you awake after breastfeeding was the least bit successful. You liked to wake up and look around a bit sometimes between feedings. There's little rhyme or reason to it, although Papa, Grammy and I should take most of the blame, as we pretty much just wanted to hold you, touch your baby soft pudges and let you breathe in and out in deep sleep in our arms.

You were altogether and totally irresistible, my sweet one. 

All My Love,

Mama

Gianni's Newborn Photo Shoot

Hooray!!!  I received the rest of the photos that our birth and newborn photographer, Sharayah Joy, took of our little Gianni.  Enjoy!  Try not to get baby fever too bad! ;-) 

May 8, 2013

1 1/2 weeks old

Gianni Chinchilla Porras

Bedtime Wreckage

We just finished the bedtime routine with Danny.  I'm emotional and tired (go figure) and Danny stroked my hair as I laid my head on his pillow in our traditional one minute of cuddling before we say goodnight.

Tears flowed.

Then I got up to go get lip balm for my boy's chapped lips after a day in the sun and when I returned to the bedroom, Alejandro had put Gianni on the bed next to Danny.  Gianni stared at Danny's face and Danny propped himself up on one elbow and talked to his little brother like the little man he's growing into.  I don't even remember what he said, but the two of them just hung out together, there on the bed, while Alejandro looked down at them.  There my three boys were, talking and lovin' on one another, just being family.  My family.

It completely wrecked me.

Sneak Peak... Gianni's Newborn Photos

Our fantastic birth and newborn photographer, Sharayah Joy, sent me these and I just can't stand to keep them to myself any longer...  So here's your dose of CUTE for the day!!

Sigh...  I'm dying a thousand deaths of squishy newborn love.

8 Days In The Life of Gianni

(warning... longest post ever! But LOTS of pictures. Enjoy!) 

Day 2, Sunday, April 28th:

You had 6 meals today, and they're all over the map as far as length and time in between each one.  Your bilirubin test came back a little on the high side, so we'll get you to your pediatrician as soon as possible to make sure it comes down.  Last night, our friend, Dianne, got to be our nurse, which was so fun!! She took super good care of us. Today we spent a little more time falling in love with you.

And today we came home from the hospital!  

You are teensie weensie and your car seat is gigantic.  

Our hospital room: 

The view from our hospital room - the helocipter pad! 

In the car:

Danny was at home with Grandpa and Grammy, waiting to welcome his little brother!

Welcome home, little one!

Day 3, Monday, April 29th:

Today you ate 7 times, about 3 hours apart.  You are one sleepy kiddo!!

Today was a very special day because 10 years ago today, your Papa came to the United States to court me, marry me and immigrate.  That's a pretty big deal, so we surprised him and went out to dinner at Rock Bottom Brewery with about 12 friends to celebrate with appetizers and desserts.  All those friends thought I was insane for going out 2 days after giving birth to you, but you and I were doing so well that I couldn't resist having the party anyway.  It was a blast and your Papa had the greatest expression when he saw all the friends who'd joined us!

In order to give me a break, Papa and Danny attempted to

 feed you a bottle today, but you weren't very excited about it.  

Later this evening, you got to meet your Tita on Skype! 

Day 4, Tuesday, April 30th:

Today I woke up and took ibuprofen one last time and then didn't need it the rest of the day!  Yay! You had your first doctor's appointment.  The main event was the bilirubin test.  It was NOT fun to hold you while it took 10 minutes and two pricks to get enough blood from your heel.  Dude, you've got a set of lungs on ya'! The results were high enough that we have to go back tomorrow, and if your bilirubin levels haven't lowered by then, we'll have to do phototherapy (a.k.a. baby tanning bed).  And if we have to do phototherapy, that may mean admitting you back to the hospital, due to limited bilirubin beds in Colorado Springs.  Let's not do that, okay?

Your brother adores you and asks to hold you often.  He's still sort of figuring out how.

Day 5, Wednesday, May 1st:

Food, fluids and weight gain are the best way to treat bilirubin, so I've been working really hard to feed you a lot since yesterday and it seems to be working!  You are back up to your birth weight of 7 lbs, 14 oz's - 2 oz more since just yesterday!  Your bilirubin level is down slightly, so we don't have to do phototherapy.  Yay!!

On the down side, since yesterday, the full force of the nursing challenges (a.k.a. engorgement and cramping in my back and limbs) have hit me, and I'm back on Ibuprofen.  Boo.

Day 6, Thursday, May 2nd:

It was a full day today...  a little more than what I could handle in fact.  Your brother, Grammy, you and I made our way to your brother's preschool to pick him up.  Danny was SO ecstatic to come greet you and show you off to his friends and teachers!  Boy, does that kid love you, baby.  After nursing you at preschool, we made our way to the chiropractor, for "Momma to get fixed."  Boy did THAT feel good!  Then we went to Chik-fil-A, where we enjoyed lunch and your brother got to play for a while while I nursed you in the car.  Lastly, we made a trip to the grocery store, where I survived my first shopping trip with two boys in the grocery cart.  By the time we got home, I was more than a little exhausted, but I sat down to nurse you once agian.

My big mommy accomplishment for the day was having nursed you on a two-hour schedule ALL DAY, almost to the minute. That, along with hot showers, and leaning against a heating pad while I nurse you are all helping to resolve those icky nursing challenges.  Phew! Oh, and guess what else I did today?  I crossed my legs. Yup.

And guess what!?  It was Grammy's birthday!!  It ended up being such a full day that after fish tacos for dinner, we all decided that the rest of the birthday festivities could be enjoyed tomorrow.

After we got home from all the outtings, I couldn't resist pulling out the camera and playing with your sweet squishy self and the sleep sack Diane made for you.  Too cute!!!

How we spent the evening: 

Day 7, Friday, May 3rd

Since last night we all opted for bed as soon as possible, this morning we decided to start he day off right, with a heart breakfast of...

...banana splits!  Man, your brother was overjoyed at the idea of ice cream for breakfast and a movie after lunch!

Today we kept up the 2 hour schedule, and you have transformed (literally overnight) into an easy baby.  I mean, you were pretty easy before, but Grammy's favorite quote from me today was, "Baby, if you're gonna always be this easy, I'm going to keep wanting more babies!"

I'm mostly off the Ibuprofen now.  Vitamins, bananas and tea are helping to control the cramping.  That, and I learned my lesson on not over-doing it yesterday.  Oh, and you let me sleep for 4 consecutive hours last night!! That's the most sleep I've had at one time in a week!

We ended the night by going to church and showing you off.  Danny wore his "big brother" t-shirt and showed it to all his friends. You were admired and celebrated by all. And then... home for more banana splits with chocolate cake.  Yumm!

Day 8, Saturday, May 4th:

Sometime in the middle of last night, you switched yourself from a 2 hour schedule to a three hour schedule.  I woke up in the morning and decided to keep that up and you've gone right along with it, offering little complaint.  We've had an easy day of hanging at home in our pajamas doing practically nothing.  Aaaah.... I love Saturdays.

I'm back off ibuprofen and have been for at least 24 hours.  A day or so ago I weighed 160 lbs.  Today I weigh 155 lbs.  My favorite moment of the day? While getting dressed, Papa said, "Wow, babe!!" in admiration of my incredible shrinking body.  My ankles are finally back to their pre-pregnancy size and my tummy is shrinking more each day.  I am loving the rewards of exercise, hard work and a commitment to natural care through this pregnancy.  I am so thankful to God for His favor in that matter!

Hey look!  After 8 whole days, I managed to catch you for one moment with your eyes open!  :) 

I love you, little monkey!  

Kisses,